(rewrite) Closing Parishes in Boston
(apologies to our German friends who have already translated a substantially different earlier draft into German)Closing Parishes in BostonThe Church accountants are preparing sales,lock, stock and...
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The first six lines of this are perfect. You capture the feeling of loss beautifully, and "transubstantiation of lost grace" is brilliant. The logical volta seems to follow line 6 instead of line 8....
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Demands of sinners their contrition? It's an inversion. isn't it.I'm sorry, but Rosa's reading is mine, except that I saw no problem with the blame thing. So - what she said.p
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Rosa: Thanks! as you know, this one hits close to home, so I'm having trouble with distance and balance. This probably doesn't help much, but I've already been persuaded that "of' in line 7 should be...
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Peter: Sorry--our posts crossed. I don't think I have an inverted concept, but maybe I'm missing something...Contrition is a necessary predicate for remission of sin, isn't it? So wouldn't it be fair...
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Mike--I say the nearness of rhyme (glass, Mass, grace, disgrace) actually demonstrates some of the tension. I'd rarely say this, but I think you've turned an effect that would choke most poems into a...
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Just popping back in to point out to non-Bostonians that "Law" is crucial to line 9 -- it's a play on the generic "law" and Cardinal Bernard Law. Also, I forgot to say I like the spondees there: LAW...
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While God forgives those who sincerely ask,none go absolved till Law takes them to task.******************"To have great poetry there must be great audiences, too"--Walt Whitman
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Sorry, Mike - it was just a suggestion for alternative wording to line 14. Argue all you want, smile smile, it's the syntax of my suggestion that's inverted, not your premise.I was just agreeing with...
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I'd forgotten about the Cardinal. Perhaps some formatting, or putting it in all caps like a headline, might make that harder to miss. Otherwise, nevermind me. Boston ain't my turf. Ask me about Youston.
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Well, then, I have a poem written in a Texan voice over at Erato that durn needs some authenticatizin'!!!
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I agree with the others: the first six lines are excellent, but it loses its way in the rest of the poem. I think that this seems to be one of those poems destined to fight its form - perhaps a...
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In the second line, "lock, stock" sounds like a cliche, or something that has been said too many times. I forget what it means. I didn't understand that the "Law veiled child rapes with lies" refers...
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This is hugely clearer and better than Version 1.My question about this version is possibly just my misunderstanding of a theological point. In L13, "we do not ask God's help", and the reason we do...
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